Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
