the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
