now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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