i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The uberlube is also flammable
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
