glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
