You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
