He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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