I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't turn off my feet"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
