trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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