Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
