Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
