You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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