wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
