i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
