Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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