So drunk its hurt
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
