I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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