It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
