Porn is love you can see.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
