**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't turn off my feet"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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