I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
