I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize