just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
