Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
