I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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