How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize