Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
her vagine was all disorganized.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
