i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
