Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
