But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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