mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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