when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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