I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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