i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
