i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
