Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
