I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
