Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
