The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
