can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
