kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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