Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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