yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize