Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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