my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
