I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
