If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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