Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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