I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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