I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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