know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
