I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
