Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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