A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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