did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
