Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
