I want to walk on stilts...naked
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
