Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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