Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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