I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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