i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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