So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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