We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
