Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
