I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
