I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
