he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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