He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
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i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
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Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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