I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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