Define "chronic" masturbator.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
