I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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