when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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