your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Randomize
