M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if only i could text you this smell
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
