you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
