covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
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