the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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