In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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