You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
