i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
