This is not my ceiling
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
