You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
