i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
