There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
