Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
