i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
