Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
