Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i wish my penis had a tongue
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
third nipple confirmed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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