so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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