I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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