Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
